Hello, Hello... Is Anybody Out There???

     Hello, is anybody still there??? Sorry all, but I fell off of my blogging horse, and for the longest time, I didn't know if I wanted to get back on. I've had so many posts run through my mind, but for some reason or another, they never made their way to here. It started with a couple months of no internet. We were deciding whether to keep the cable, and tried to prove to ourselves that we were not totally dependent on this wonderful world wide web. We failed miserably!!! When we finally caved, I was so excited to have the world at my fingertips again, but in the meantime, my world had changed. My mom spoiled me with a fancy new phone this year for Christmas/birthday, and going over my data plan each month is how I survived not having the internet... I told you we failed miserably! 

     The only thing my galaxy doesn't make easier than my laptop is blogging. Something about the click of the keys is so necessary for me to do this. Their sound is so therapeutic, and without it, blogging just isn't the same. Before I was doing everything just from my laptop so while I was waiting for something exciting to happen on Facebook, I would come here and pour my heart and soul out. As much as I love my phone, I finally realized how much I needed this release. So here I am, and boy does this feel good!!!

     When I first thought I really needed to get back to blogging, I thought maybe I should start a new blog. After all, it's been almost a year, and a lot has been going on here for us. Then I remembered why I picked this name anyways. We are always going to be changing! That's life, and to be completely honest I don't have anything more figured out than I did the last time I blogged so the name still totally applies! I guess until I become "person who's got it all together" this blog couldn't have a better name. I don't know if I will ever be that person so I hope you all are comfortable here with me while we figure out this crazy thing called life together! 

     It was reconnecting with the name of this blog that made me pull the laptop out tonight, and I'm so happy I did. Suddenly, the laptop doesn't seem like such a gigantic burden, and my soul feels lighter than it has in quite a while. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet, but I'm ready to get back up in the saddle! Thanks for being patient, thanks for hanging around, and cheers to figuring it out as we grow! 

     What have you figured out while I've been away???

Mamaversary

     Today is my Mamaversary!!! Every year when we celebrate JJ's birthday, I silently celebrate my mamaversary. It was a day that forever changed my life so I feel it needs to be celebrated, but like most things in a mom's life, I do it quietly in the background while I'm shouting from the rooftops about my first baby's birthday.

     Five years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed trying to "relax" and "get some rest" while I was being induced with JJ. The Pitocin and the Dilaudid were in the middle of a raging battle, that, in case you were wondering, the Pitocin totally won : ) After a sleepless night, I called in the big guns, and the epidural won the war!!!

     I couldn't believe anyone was telling me to relax and get some rest!!! Did they not know I was in labor??? How could anyone get some rest when my whole world was about to change??? By the time baby number 2 came, I realized that people do this every day, and Fat Dad and I both got some rest. Too bad her whole delivery took a quarter of the time that her brother's did : )

     Instead of getting some rest that night, I laid there contemplating the major turn my life was about to take. In between contractions, I couldn't help but be scared to death about what my future had in store. Neither of my kids were planned, that's why I call them my favorite mistakes, but with AL, I was already a mom. One more kid wasn't going to change anything.

     With JJ, oh man, everything was changing! I was a MAJOR party girl. I was selfish and proud of it. I lived for today without ever thinking of where that would leave me tomorrow. Then I found out I was pregnant, and that whole lifestyle came to a halt. For the first time in a long time I had to really figure out who I was and who I wanted to be.

    I'm still not 100% sure I know the answer to that question, but one thing was for sure, that baby deserved a mom who put him before everything else, and whether I was ready to do this or not, he was coming, and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it, and the non stop contractions were a great reminder that this was really happening!

     One really strong epidural and two and a half hours of pushing later, and my already stubborn little bundle of joy was here, and I have never been more in awe of something! I think I spent the first 3 months of his life just starting at him... and crying... and to this day I could just sit and stare at him. It's much harder to do now because he moves, and talks, and usually asks me why I'm looking at him like that, not to mention the never ending mountain of housework that came with him that is always screaming for my attention.

     I remember panicking when they said I could leave the hospital. You have to take a test to drive a car. I work at the Olive Garden and in order to serve someone noodles, I had to take a 7 page test to make sure I was capable of such a task. There are even directions on a bottle of shampoo, but they were just going to let me take a human being home and wing it!!! No directions, no test nothing. Just here's your baby, here's your bill, have a nice life.

     Ok, it wasn't quite that bad, and after I freaked out to the nurse she went over all of the papers and books they were sending home with me, that at the end of the day, I didn't even use! You can read all the books you want, but nothing prepares you for being a mother. You know who taught me how to be a mother... my son. Every stage he goes through is a new stage of being a mom that I am learning how to deal with.

     Five years ago today, I checked out of that hospital and into my new life. I came in all dressed up in my party shoes, and left with dirty hair and yoga pants, and I couldn't be any happier!

     So Happy 5th Birthday to my growing way too fast little man. I will be spending the whole day telling anyone who will listen that it is HIS special day, while I smile and silently wish myself a happy mamaversary because it's my special day too. I love that I have this blog to celebrate my mamaversary out loud with all of you! Cheers : )

Bieber fever...

     Lately, I've been feeling like I failed as a mother. Since both of my babies were still in the womb, I have tried to expose them to good music, and regardless of how hard I tried, it happened... my son caught Bieber Fever!!!

     There we were driving to Thanksgiving dinner, when the song "Beauty and the Beat" came on. As if it wasn't bad enough that this is a Justin Bieber song, it's featured musical guest is Nicki Minaj, the fakest barbie in the dream house. My kids love to dance so I told myself that was the reason for the attraction, and that they would forget about it as soon as the song was over. 

     Like the musical Gods in the sky could sense my stomach turning, and the fact that my aunt lives in the middle of nowhere, the station went out, and we went back to having a Bieber free holiday. One of the many things I was thankful for this Thanksgiving : )

     Fast forward a couple of days, and we are riding in the car, and out of the back seat, I hear JJ say "Mom, can we listen to that 'Beauty and the Beat' song again?"

     NOOOOOO..... my insides screamed in fear. He's not even 5 years old. Shouldn't there be an age limit to when you can contract Bieber fever??? How could I have let this happen??? Where did I go wrong???

    "Well, baby, this is the radio so we can't pick the song we want to listen to" was my best supporting mother response. 

     This morning on the way to school, I was flipping through the stations. I was still half asleep so I'm not sure what I was hoping to find, but still I was cycling through my presets half listening to what was playing. I was brought back to reality to JJ saying go back mom. I went back, and he excitedly said, "Yeah, Mom, this is Rock and Roll!" 

     As my ears caught up to the Led Zeppelin that was playing, my eyes swelled with tears...ok, not really, but for dramatic effect : ) "Yes, baby. This is Rock and Roll." Classic Rock and Roll. Suddenly, I was feeling much less like a failure!

     I realized that while I may not be able to protect him from Bieber fever, I have given him a massive supply of antibodies to help fight it off as fast as possible : ) 

     I also realized that whether it's Bieber fever or whatever the next new craze is, I will support his love for it. My parents had to go through my grunge phase, so I'm sure my mother's curse of ten times worse will apply to this as well! 

    

      

     

Bloggers Block...

     Lately, I've been in a bit of a rut. A blogging rut, a working rut, a big life rut. I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I've had no ambition lately. I've had plenty of things to write about, but a couple of lines in, I just fizzle out. Maybe bloggers block, I don't know.
 
     I don't think it's the weather because this is my favorite time of year. I love fall! There is something about a big pile of leaves that always makes me feel like a kid again : ) Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love that for one day of the year it's OK to be whoever you want to be, and let your imagination run wild.

<3 My little monsters <3

     One of the problems I've been having is that every post I want to write would go better with a picture, and guess who lost her camera... that's right, this girl. I think my house ate it, or somewhere there is a ghost taking some super sweet shots of his other ghost friends.

     Like the other day when I tried to make pancakes only to see that we had no syrup. So I thought chocolate chip pancakes instead... scratch that idea, we also had no chocolate chips. So I got a little inventive, and mixed some brownie mix in my pancake batter, and just like that we have a new family favorite. They are delicious, and I wanted to share their chocolaty goodness with you, but I've never seen a recipe post without pictures... or at least not a very good one.

     Then it was Fat Dad's birthday this week so I was going to dedicate a loving post to him, and the 12 wonderful years we've sent together. Then he decided to be a big grouch this week, and it's hard to write about how much you love your significant other when they are making it very hard to even say that you like them at this particular moment.
   
     I guess that was part of the post was loving each other even at our worst, and we don't spend everyday as in love as the first day we met, and we don't expect too. I think part of a real relationship is realizing you aren't going to agree on every aspect of life all the time, and there will be times when the other drives you nuts... like he felt through both of my pregnancies, I'm sure : ) ... but we still stand by each other, and that's what's kept us together for so long.

    So, I'm still here, even though I've been a little quiet lately. What's been going on in your world lately???

   

Songs I Love Sunday #2

    This morning while I was cooking breakfast, Pandora's playlist was so good I almost added another course just to keep listening. Here were some of the gems of the day...

Perfect since it was Sunday morning, and it's a bonus that it's one of my favorite songs by them

Always been one of my favorites : )

I sang this song to AL as a lullaby. The line "Cause I've never had so much to lose" would usually make me cry. Kids are the most humbling things in the whole world, and until them, I had never known a love as moving and as deep as I have for them : )

These guys are my new obsession!!! I've been very disappointed in music lately, and these guys were like a breath of fresh air : )

This was the theme of my weekend, but instead I fell asleep snuggling with the babes. Tonight, I enjoyed a glass with dinner...at 4:57... I'm going to blame day light saving time : )

Hope you're all having a great weekend : )