Today is my Mamaversary!!! Every year when we celebrate JJ's birthday, I silently celebrate my mamaversary. It was a day that forever changed my life so I feel it needs to be celebrated, but like most things in a mom's life, I do it quietly in the background while I'm shouting from the rooftops about my first baby's birthday.
Five years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed trying to "relax" and "get some rest" while I was being induced with JJ. The Pitocin and the Dilaudid were in the middle of a raging battle, that, in case you were wondering, the Pitocin totally won : ) After a sleepless night, I called in the big guns, and the epidural won the war!!!
I couldn't believe anyone was telling me to relax and get some rest!!! Did they not know I was in labor??? How could anyone get some rest when my whole world was about to change??? By the time baby number 2 came, I realized that people do this every day, and Fat Dad and I both got some rest. Too bad her whole delivery took a quarter of the time that her brother's did : )
Instead of getting some rest that night, I laid there contemplating the major turn my life was about to take. In between contractions, I couldn't help but be scared to death about what my future had in store. Neither of my kids were planned, that's why I call them my favorite mistakes, but with AL, I was already a mom. One more kid wasn't going to change anything.
With JJ, oh man, everything was changing! I was a MAJOR party girl. I was selfish and proud of it. I lived for today without ever thinking of where that would leave me tomorrow. Then I found out I was pregnant, and that whole lifestyle came to a halt. For the first time in a long time I had to really figure out who I was and who I wanted to be.
I'm still not 100% sure I know the answer to that question, but one thing was for sure, that baby deserved a mom who put him before everything else, and whether I was ready to do this or not, he was coming, and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it, and the non stop contractions were a great reminder that this was really happening!
One really strong epidural and two and a half hours of pushing later, and my already stubborn little bundle of joy was here, and I have never been more in awe of something! I think I spent the first 3 months of his life just starting at him... and crying... and to this day I could just sit and stare at him. It's much harder to do now because he moves, and talks, and usually asks me why I'm looking at him like that, not to mention the never ending mountain of housework that came with him that is always screaming for my attention.
I remember panicking when they said I could leave the hospital. You have to take a test to drive a car. I work at the Olive Garden and in order to serve someone noodles, I had to take a 7 page test to make sure I was capable of such a task. There are even directions on a bottle of shampoo, but they were just going to let me take a human being home and wing it!!! No directions, no test nothing. Just here's your baby, here's your bill, have a nice life.
Ok, it wasn't quite that bad, and after I freaked out to the nurse she went over all of the papers and books they were sending home with me, that at the end of the day, I didn't even use! You can read all the books you want, but nothing prepares you for being a mother. You know who taught me how to be a mother... my son. Every stage he goes through is a new stage of being a mom that I am learning how to deal with.
Five years ago today, I checked out of that hospital and into my new life. I came in all dressed up in my party shoes, and left with dirty hair and yoga pants, and I couldn't be any happier!
So Happy 5th Birthday to my growing way too fast little man. I will be spending the whole day telling anyone who will listen that it is HIS special day, while I smile and silently wish myself a happy mamaversary because it's my special day too. I love that I have this blog to celebrate my mamaversary out loud with all of you! Cheers : )